what to do when things aren’t going ‘as planned’


Planning and preparing to get pregnant is very exciting. The thought of being expectant parents, regardless of if it’s your first child or another addition to the family, gives parents a dreamlike feeling that finally everything will go according to plan. However, life’s unpredictable and sometimes the best laid out plans can disappoint us easily. 

When things don’t go ‘as planned’, it can feel like your whole world’s turned upside down. The slightest change will have you being extra cautious about everything.

We don’t know what life has in store for us during this new journey that you’ve been planning together with your partner. It’s difficult to change the situation but what we can do is learn how we cope with the challenges, frustration, and grief. To help you get through, here are some tips to help you out. 

If you and your partner have been trying to get pregnant, but it’s taking longer than expected, your spirits can be discouraged. Getting pregnant has become a chore now and has taken over your lives. You’ll obsess over fertility concerns and it can affect both of you emotionally. 

Don’t forget to prioritize each other’s self-care and acknowledge your feelings. Self-care doesn’t only mean going to the doctor for check-ups, but it’s also making sure both of you are managing your stress. Find the time to reconnect with each and do activities that’ll help you settle into the now. Directing your thoughts to each other and what you love and value about your partner can bring emotional relief.



Give attention to your intimate relationship with your partner. Rekindle the fun in your sex life, back to the way it was before it became a task. Once this area of your relationship weakens, it has the potential to affect other aspects. 

Try to not let your period discourage you by seeking emotional support from your partner or trusted family or friend. It can be triggering when aunt flo shows up, especially when you are holding so much hope that THIS is the cycle you will conceive. Use it as an opportunity to draw closer to your support system. Thank your body for its perfect timing. Plan a relaxing activity around your cycle or, if she shows up unexpectedly, do something spontaneous that brings you joy. The heavy emotions holding you down will also affect your overall health which then affects your ovulation.

If you’re finally pregnant and expecting a child soon, you’ll realize that pregnancy wasn’t how you thought it’d be. The morning sickness, swollen feet, and your emotions everywhere will feel like a big deal to you. Plus, more worries settle in as you go further into your pregnancy. Every expecting mother wants to give birth to a healthy baby and for the pregnancy to go perfectly, however, health concerns surface and make you worry. Thinking that your own health can be a threat to your baby’s health, set your intentions and focus on taking care of yourself and following what your OBGYN advises you. If you’ve spiralled into blaming yourself for things not going smoothly, always forgive yourself. Understand your own feelings and be gentle towards yourself. You’re doing the best you can, always remember that. The course of nature is unpredictable and so is our bodies.  

When it’s time to go into labor and delivery, it’s when women feel vulnerable and when unexpected and unwanted circumstances happen, the perfect birth plan you’ve crafted is challenged. And the words a mother never wants to hear is that something’s wrong with your baby is one of the worst things. All you can do is hope and pray that it’s not too serious. But when events aren’t what you expected, recognize that you’ll be able to find your way through. Honor and express your feelings. Your partner will also need someone to lean on, be there for each other. Let close family and friends help you out. 

One little advice, more than having a plan it’s better to set your intentions as you go on the experience of pregnancy and after. Reframing the way you view your situation helps you focus on the positive side and see the multiple possibilities that you can do right with what you’re facing.